Pastoral Examination

2010-07-13T15:32:00.001-07:00

please take my survey

Is Christ Enough

2010-06-08T15:57:00.000-07:00

In all honesty, answer the question “Is Christ good enough, and is what he did necessary?. Is anything mandatory? Is anything essential outside the work of Christ? Legalists and liberalists will never, ever be able to answer, honestly, “Yes.”

The legalist believes that in order to maintain or earn your salvation, there are certain rules, criteria or actions that need to be met, as if to earn God's favor. They foolishly believe that by their own means they will be seen as righteous because of what they did. This person will often report what they've done or not as if they are worthy of some sort of praise. There is a call to repent of one's own righteousness (Lk 18:9-14), recognize your need for Christ and leave your life in his hands (Rom 3:23-26). You are justified by God through the work of Jesus. He imputed his righteousness upon you the moment you were saved. It is by Christ you are saved, not the law or things you can do (Gal 2:4-16). The law is needed to show your need to be saved (Gal 3:15-26). What Jesus did on the Cross was sufficient. Do not add to it, for if you try to add to what God did, then you are trying to be God, and Satan did the same thing (Is. 14:13-14; Rev 12:7-9).

The liberalist will tell you that God doesn't want us to follow rules, or that scripture doesn't mean what it says. The fact is, you can't earn God's favor, but a person who is truly saved has a regenerate heart. This new heart will hate sin and recognize the word of God as his word because the righteousness of Christ was imputed. The Bible tells us clearly what sin is: It's not just motive, but action (eg. Rom 1:21-32; Is. 5:20-21; Matt 15:17-20). God hates drunkenness, regardless of whether one is drunk out of rebellion or just to have fun with friends. Even your motive to do something good could be as evil as Satan's pride that got him kicked out of Heaven. To negate sin is to lessen what Christ did on the cross, therefore making him and what he did equally irrelevant to the legalist and liberalist.

Both sides are demonic and anti-Christ. What Jesus did is good enough and equally necessary. It is false teaching that says, “You need to tithe,” and “You need to go to church,” or even bless those things that God has unashamedly called evil. The regenerate heart will want to give generously and want to be in community with the church on Sunday mornings, and it will choose to abstain from sin. Self-righteousness and lack of restraint are equally damnable. We need Jesus to be right with God, and his grace to maintain us. Therefore, if we fall into either of these categories, we need to repent of that and actually be changed and live accordingly by the grace of God (Rom 12:1-2).

World Religions

2010-05-05T09:47:00.001-07:00

I was talking with a guy the other day about how Christianity is exclusive from other religions. He kept trying to argue with me that "No, we all worship the same God."
He was stumped when I asked the question, "Why then would God contradict himself so many times then?"

Because really, we need to ask this question if we believe what we're saying is that all religions lead to the same place. Because the Bible speaks very differently from that of Buddism, Islam, or even Mormonism.

When scripture describes where we'll be, the Bible says that we'll be on the new earth, which is co-mingled with Heaven, that God will be our light, there will be no sun, nothing. That we will eternally worship him, and he will be our sole focus. We won't be married, we will receive new bodies, and that when we die, we go to be with Christ. Islam states something drastically different... basically, you get to have self-worship when you get to heaven... you have a paradise, with virgins, etc (if you're a man)... and the women are basically left out.

Even our creation stories are different.. again, let's compare islam to Christianity... Islam states that Adam repented after he sinned and ate the fruit, therefore the world is still good, it's not corrupt, etc. Where as the Bible states that Adam didn't repent, that he blamed the woman, and thus the fall of man ensued, and sin entered the world and creation is corrupt. Which, therefore, two completely different world views are taken. Completely different! As in, NO SIMILARITY!

The Bible says that Jesus is the Father (aka God), and that Jesus is the only way to the father (Jesus is the only way to Himself), and that He is the Way, Truth, and Life. Islam teaches Jesus was a dude, with some good thoughts, who even maybe had some revelation from God, and was born of a virgin, etc.
Again, two very different views.

Christianity teaches that you can't do jack-all to get to heaven. That, in fact, God opposes those who think they can get thier way to heaven. The bible speaks strongly on the doctrine of Justification... which is where it's like you're in math class, and the teacher tells you to Justify your answer... religion is you showing your work, and getting the grade accordingly. In Christianity, it's the opposite. Jesus did the work for you, so you just get to go to the back of the book and write the answer down. You see the question, you get the answer, done. No work.
Islam, Buddah, Hinduism, mornmonism, JW's, they all teach the same thing... you must work, you must DO things in order to get to heaven. Christianity is exlusive in this. You cannot save yourself. You cannot be saved apart from the divine grace of God, and him saving you. God saves you, you don't accept him. You just come to the realization that he's chasing after you, and wants you in his family (which, yes, is everyone, but there's a difference between a redeeming God, and an "accepting God).
Our God redeems. Religion accepts based on works.
According to Christianity, if we got what we really deserved, if it was based on works, hell is our only option. That place of isolated suffering.

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER SUGGEST THAT THESE ARE EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME?

Now, I'm not arguing here that Christianity is right, but that it is exclusive.

So in summary, why would God contradict himself? Why would world views be the drastically different? Why would action/non-action play a part in salvation?
No, the simple answer is, they do not point to the same God/gods. They point to something completely different.

Complacent, Apathetic, Lathargic.

2010-04-28T10:42:00.001-07:00

Those words define a majority of church leaders today.

I have an idea which isn't necessarily new, nor is it a major break through in Christian thought, however it is the truth, and I want to challenge any pastor who believes otherwise:

If your church isn't growing, it isn't doing it's job.

Yep, I said it. If your church isn't growing, it isn't doing it's job. Now, let me give validity to this, please.
Your church may be in fact, shrinking because your congregation is dying from persecution. OR, from persecution, house churches are having to become more prevalent (which, in this case, the implication is, you better be having more house churches/underground churches if your people are really doing their job.

Jesus gave us a mandate... to make disciples of all nations, teaching them all that he has commanded us, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Don't kid yourself, he was serious about this... He says the same thing, basically in both Matthew 28:18ff and Acts 1:3ff. Yes, it's the truth.

Therefore, church leader... if you live in a town of 100 people, and only 5 people are in your church... if the other 95% aren't in other churches, and your church has stayed at 5% for the last six years... then I would suggest you need a new strategy.

I have a belief as to why our churches aren't' growing, and it goes beyond just the fact that those sitting in the seats aren't doing their job. The pastor isn't doing their job either in communicating the truth.
We live in an age when 'you can't say certain things because they may offend certain people." Having not grow up in the church at an early age, but becoming a Christian at the age of 15, I solidly believe that churches are not giving the truth. At all. Pastors are too afraid to say the word 'fore-skin' in church in reference to what the Israelite s brought home after battle for the sake of not letting old people take a offense! SCREW THE OFFENSE! THE GOSPEL IS OFFENSIVE!
Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, doesn't say the word rubbish, garbage, or loss when talking about how we should count the things of this world... a more adequate euphemism is excrement, but more equal to the word "S#!+". Even I'm too afraid to say what the word is... we have this ungodly fear.
Who do you serve? Man? Or God?

Loose the fear of man, and be offensive to your congregation. Tell them that they're not doing what they should be... that they're more concerned about what they're getting out of church, than what God's getting out of them. That they're more concerned about their tax receipt than giving with a cheerful heart. Cut the crap already. I'm sick and tired of this b.s.
Jesus said the gospel is offensive. Quit dancing with Satan and being 'accepting' or 'tolerant'.
I loved it when Mark Driscoll, from Mars Hill Church, Seattle, said (in paraphrase) "I'm tolerant of everyone. In heaven I will see people from every nation, tribe and tongue praising God, and everyone who didn't accept Jesus will be in Hell."
It's the truth. Let's preach it.

"Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Burning Babies & It's Just Pleasure

2010-04-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

Worship is something we do all the time, whether we think about it or not, whether we enjoy it or not, or whether we recognize it or not.

The worship of sex has been around for all the ages. Temples existed for it, as well as adultery and fornication.

The scriptures tell us of two different situations which I'm highlighting in which our culture is really no different.

The Canaanite god's demanded that people perform orgies and go 'at it' with each other all the time. In fact, the god's themselves were stimulated, and then would release and relieve themselves on the soil, making the ground more fertile and able to take seed. One major result of sex is babies. Yes, it's true. I read it once in my biology text book in high school, a few moons ago. If you don't believe me, ask your doctor... or your mother.
Anyway, because babies are the result of the act, why wasn't there an extreme population boom in the Canaanite towns/regions? Well, it's because they would light up a fire under a bronze statue (the flame sat under a bowl-esque shaped piece which would be held by the 'god's' hands, and the baby would promptly be thrown into this bowl and burned alive. Yep. That's what they would do.
This was the result of sex as worship... or worshiping sex.
Now, before you go ape crazy and think, "That's disgusting! That's appalling!" Look at our culture first. And then, once you do that, you'll realize that abortion is the same thing. Yes, the same thing.
C.S. Lewis says that if you look down on the people of the past and think, "we're so advanced" that that's chronological snobbery. Abortion is just another form of the same act. I mean, it may seem 'less brutal' because you're not throwing a crying baby that you can hear onto a burning hot slab of metal, but you're still taking a life inside the womb. It doesn't matter which way you dice it, a baby at the point of conception is alive. Sure, it may not be more alive than maybe a bacteria or that one celled ostrich egg, but nonetheless, it is alive. Quality of life means nothing when you just recognize it is alive.
Therefore, if you're a proponent of abortion, then you're no different than the proponents of throwing your baby onto a smoldering metal bowl. Now, I'm going to attack the pro-life people here as well, so you pro-killers can breath for a minute. Most pro-lifers believe just as strongly in free sex, however, they think, if you' don't take the right counter measures, then you have to live with the consequences. I have this to say: You think you're morally superior, but you believe in taking chances into bringing a kid into a situation where they won't necessarily have a loving home, they won't necessarily be brought up by a mother and a father.
Abortion and abandonment are the same thing, so don't be a moron and think you're better. In both cases life, real life is robbed. So don't kid yourself. Don't have sex unless you are married and make sure you're willing to have kids - surprises can happen even if one or both are claimed sterile.

Now, that's the female end of it. What about the male end? In scripture, there was this dude who was to take in his deceased brothers wife, and get her pregnant so in her later years she would have some one to take care of her, but also so the family name could be passed on. This dude that was supposed to sleep with her, did have sex wit her, but at the moment of his climax, he pulled out early, and relieved himself onto the soil. This guy just wanted the pleasure... God was so angry at this guy that he actually struck him dead. So, gentlemen, if this is God's view of such a thing, what should yours be? Only sleep with the girl if you intend to, at some point, give her a kid in her womb.

I'm not against proper counter measures in marriage, but the key thing to remember is they may fail, you may be among the .1% that sees the failure in the system and have a kid. It's very possible, very real.
So make sure your sex is for God's glory, not your own.
Those are just my thoughts at the moment.

James 4:1-10

2010-04-07T14:06:00.000-07:00

“You desire and do not have, so you murder...”
i.e. Neglect the needs of the people around you, hate people, and actually kill... physically, or spiritually...
You don't get your way, so you make some one suffer...
All in hopes to get what you want... this can apply to so many things... are you willing to sacrifice your preference in music style for the younger generations? Are you willing to invest financially in your kids, youth and young families, the single mom's and the widows... Seniors homes is widely neglected by churches, yet in there you will find the widows and the poor... people who are so alone.
If you don't have hands in the seniors homes often, then shame on you.

“You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”

You covet, you desire... selfishly, and because you don't get what you want, you fight and quarrel...

Ridiculous splits in churches have taken place over the colors of floors and curtains... one person wanted green, the other person wanted beige....
The people put special reverence on the place, as if God is confined to the room you stand in. This building is not the Temple! The temple was destroyed, the veil was torn – don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit?
The difference that needs be communicated to people is not sacred space, but rather sacred time. A time of dedicated worship and teaching is sacred time. It has nothing to do with the place. If you met inside a set of ruins, it is no holier than a church. However, it is the time that is sacred, that is set apart for God.

The whole over arching theme here is that the people are not chasing after God, His desires and purposes, but rather after their own selfish desires and their purposes.

This is called idolatry. You are serving yourself, and you are not serving God. One of the Ten Commandments is, “You shall have no other God's before me.”
We sometimes view ourselves as God, not God as God.

“Friendship with the world is enmity with God. Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

God made Hosea marry a prostitute, in order to help him to see what God felt like towards Israel...

Israel chased after Baal, Ashera, Molech... and gave themselves to these other gods, and claimed to be God's people...
The whole concept of 'You cannot serve two master, you can't serve both God and money...” Comes to mind. Make sense?

Continue, “do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, 'He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?

That is not actually found anywhere in scripture, however, it's a concept that is found through out the bible, and some scholars believe that the book that this was contained in was lost. However, the idea is good and lines up with the rest of scripture, therefore we know it's not heretical, so we can trust it.
In Exodus God tells Israel not to make idols, because he is a jealous God.
When God says he's jealous, it's not in the sense that he wants something that's not his, or you have something that he doesn't...
What it means is that he longs after your love... He wants you to love Him, like He loves you. He desires your relationship with Him.

But continuing, James says, “Therefore it says, 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' Therefore Submit yourselves to God.”

If you truly want to follow God, you need to recognize you cannot be the leader!
Christ said, “Take up your cross and follow me.” If there is an inversion, and God is to follow you, then it becomes idolatry. Who are you worshiping? Who are you following? The whole crux of this entire piece of scripture is get over yourselves and follow God.

What does submission to God look like? Jesus... in the Garden at Gethsemane, Jesus didn't want to die. Three times he begged God, “Take this cup away from me, let this hour pass.” However, Jesus said some of the most important things - “Not my will, but yours be done.” Just like when he taught the Lord's Prayer... “Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.”
WHO'S WILL?
Not mine, God's.

Keep following what James says, “Resit the devil and he will flee.”
Satan cared about himself, only himself. He was so prideful, and he challenged Adam and Eve and said, “You yourselves can be God!”
The devil's who fight is that you think about everything and anything other than God. If your too busy concerned about your wants and desires, you cannot be concerned about the things of God.

James then invites you to the opposite - “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you!” Draw near!
Forget yourself, humbly come before God and receive what he wants. Encircle yourself with him, not your own desires. THEREFORE REPENT! “Cleans your hands you sinners, and purify your hearts you double-minded! Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.”
What he is saying is recognize your pathetic state and recognize where you stand before God! See that you are NOT God! Get right with God – recognize that you have shame, just like Adam and Eve did when they sinned and partook of the fruit. Recognize your shame and your guilt. Weep... and weep well.

He then finishes this whole thought process with “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”

When you recognize where you stand before God, God will honor that, and he will lift you up. He will... be there for you. If God's not the center, then you are an adulterous, idolatrous person... Therefore repent and God will honor you, God will exalt you. But if you exalt yourself, you're not going to be any greater than Satan.

Pray.

Vision

2010-03-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was sitting reading, "Courageous Leadership" by Bill Hybels of Willow Creek, in Chicago, and well, I started seeing the areas in where our church needs to step it up, big time. The book never pointed it out, however, the fact remains, this is where we're at.
I wouldn't dare say the church has been limping along, because it hasn't. however, it's neglected many of the key factors that need to be addressed if you're going to have a welcoming church...
Such as a Welcoming Team, aka, greeters. We want GT Church to be a safe place for people to come in and experience the warmth of God... one of the ways in which this takes place is through a friendly handshake at the door. That's something that we don't have - but also, having people do the same on the way out... people need to have a friendly encounter both coming in, during, and leaving the church service... we don't do those things and need to change them.

We also need to begin investing into small groups - the concept of 'Huddles' has been bouncing around in my mind since last night, and I love the concept - a tight knit group of people, coming together for the common purpose of defeating the enemy, creating a battle plan, with some discussion, but ultimately, the QB (Jesus) the guy who tosses us (his church) the ball to run with it, while our defender (Father God) protects us as we run.
Praise the Lord for football... Go COLTS!

The idea of goal setting has been some what of a feux pas here, because other leaders have set them, and failed, but the goals were not under a leadership that desired them. It was just the generic, "we want these things for our church!" and a lack of willingness to work with the community they're in, striving for the mega-church in a small town.
I do believe with all my heart this is possible... but it requires faith and dedication... which seemed to be lacking.

The church has been riding on one leader, who has a passion for the community, and so the church has become an integral part of the town. Church and state have been mixing healthily, praise God. The city wouldn't want to function without the church... who of you can praise God for that victory? We have city councilors dropping off cheques to us saying, "please be at the next event." That dream and vision have been actualized. So, now it's a matter of pressing forward from that, and utilizing that vision, putting it into words, into something we can filter all of our ministries through.

The 'Big Idea' is, "Friends Embracing Friends, Discovering Christ Together."
Simple, workable, and huge implications...
The implication is relationships and in context of those relationships, Christ is found... How sweet?
Thus the need for a welcoming hand at the front door, small groups, and a New Comer card to have filled out by all new comers so we have the contact info and can connect with them during the week, get thier thoughts, feelings, etc.

The rest of my dream and vision for the church definitely falls under this 'Big Idea'. No doubt, but time will tell.

Some of my goals is that by March, 2011, is see our service double in size from an average of 80 to actually 200 people.
Have at least five active 'Huddles'.
In september 2010 start an Evening service on Saturdays.
And see giving increase by a minimum of 20%.

Are these things do-able? Yes. We just need to communicate the vision clearly, and adequately. The resources and people are more than here. We just have to be willing to grow and change and adapt to what the community needs not what the people who have spend their whole lives in church want... that's the tough part.

Re-Examination

2010-03-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to become productive and helpful to society, what I began to endeavor to do, was to speak of my addiction in an anonymity, and ultimately, my addiction is sin... surprise surprise.

The angle that I'm more deciding to go with, is this: I will present the truth of the Gospel, the truth of scripture and Jesus Christ as I go through this endeavor of recovery.

As I work on sermons or have good discussion and thoughts, that is what I will post up here.

Due to bloggers terms of agreement and copy-right laws, I will be quite vague, but pointed in scripture, seeing that I won't have to deal with copy-right issues if I were to ever publish my own material.
Peace and grace.

Come Out, Come Out...

2010-03-11T08:33:00.000-08:00

I think our relationship with God is like, we're the kid, he's the dad and he's playing hide-and-go-seek, saying "Come out, come out where ever you are!" And dad walks by us, as if he didn't see us, despite the curtain shaking and our feet sticking out, with our loud breathing and giggles.

This is not God.

After Adam and Eve sinned, he called them out. He didn't act as though he didn't know, he simply questioned them - he wanted to see the honest answers. He wanted to know where they were at.
They were the ones who were in shame, they were the ones who didn't know what to do.

There were consequences, there were very real implications for their sin and they knew the results of their sin, but did it anyway. However, I'm pretty sure it sunk in.

Skip a ways through scripture to one story. There's a man named Gideon. Gideon was a coward. He was a wimp who was sitting inside a silo, blowing on the chaff of wheat. Get it? I mocked Gideon all the time, for a long time because of his cowardly way - that is, until my addiction became clear that it really was an addiction.
What happens? Gideon's sitting there, and then *bam* the Angel of the Lord showed up, and said, "Arise, mighty warrior!"
Right... mighty warrior.

The guys a freaking coward! Now, here's the catch - I've been working in a secret place, too. I've been hiding from the enemy, hiding from the world doing my little jobs. And then God says, "Arise mighty warrior!" And then, after him saying that, he says, "your going to lead the charge."

God... really? Arise mighty warrior AND you're going to lead the nation? ha.. ha.. ha..

But then he says "Give me an offering" and so then God burns up that presentation and accepts it. Then vanishes.

*AH-HA!* moments, are kind of annoying - both in others lives and mine. I mean, as nice as it is, but it's usually over something that was obvious... you know?

Then God continues to talk to Gideon saying, "tear down the the alter of Baal and the Ashera Poles". Ok... tear down the structures that people love and worship... and you want me to do it... Sure God, you told me, but i'm going to do it at night... I dont' want to be seen. Sure you told me to do it, but I don't want to be seen.

You will be found out if you are real before God and begin to do what he wants. Your deeds and actions and words will speak louder than ever before.

I identify with Gideon now... and therefore recognize my own cowardice. I'm tearing down the poles and alters. Some of them are at night time (when no ones looking) and others are when it'd broad daylight.
Scary stuff.

The Pain

2010-03-09T08:27:00.000-08:00

I've heard it once said, "Love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener." But I would just like to add to that sentiment.
When the eye is opened, it allows for tears to flow freely.

The depth of pain that is caused by ones own sin, not only to the self, but to others is the most interesting part. As the addict, we feel as though we're fine, and in reality, we probably could get along just fine if people didn't exist and want to be a part of our lives. But, they do. People want to be a part of our lives, thus they get hurt. Your sin will never just affect you.

A student I know, had three boxes of chocolates to sell. He sold 6 of the 60 bars (20 per box) and mysteriously, only 5 bars were left. He ate the rest -- in less than two weeks. This student, without sugar, is already extremely hyper, ADHD and just simply doesn't think because he's 12 years old. He's a pre-pubescent boy. And did I mention that his mother is a health freak? Her children rarely ever are allowed sugar. The last time they apparently had soda in the house was eight years ago. This is a literal number. The only reason why grease went into that house in the last four months, was because me and some friends brought some K.F.C knock off over. The kids loved it.
Anyway, this student he actually almost went psycho. No one knew why, until one day his mother found the stash of wrappers. Instead of throwing them out after usage, he let them pile up. Until one day, his stash of left-overs was found. He had been caught. As things began to unfold, he gradually saw how this had affected other people. Yes he had stole, and he would suffer personal consequences. In fact, the consequence he wanted, but couldn't was a spanking. He wanted to have the pain, and be over with it, and just move on, expecting that would actually solve the problem. Yet, because of how many chocolate bars he ate, he owed almost $100. His parents are in a financial struggle, and so is the church that entrusted him with these chocolate bars to sell for a youth fundraiser. So, to simply receive a spanking isn't good enough, nor what is required for restoration, beside the fact that he would never learn otherwise.
Here's how his sin affected other people:
the church: The jr. high youth group was planning on going to a conference. The chocolate bars was to pay for the registration of some students and also bring down the cost so that parents could more easily afford to pay.
Because we were out $100, we couldn't do that as effectively, thus possbily stopping other students from being able to go to this conference.
The church also had to pay for base cost of all the chocolate bars ($1 per bar).
Now, because some kids can't go to this conference, entire family plans for that weekend would be completely messed up. The parents can't do exactly what they planned to, and how they planned to do it.
Not only that, but we can't trust him with anything until he regains that trust.
his family: His family, like stated earlier, had little to no money to speak of. So how are they going to afford a random $100? Now his parents had to work extra hard, find extra money, and actually sacrifice extra all because he got selfish and decided to not think about other people -despite the fact that he admitted he knew it was wrong, but did not care.
His parents cannot trust him. 2 weeks before the chocolate bars had been revealed, he had stolen money from his mothers purse. The chocolate bars were strike two.
Our Lead Pastor: He chocolate bars were purchased on his credit card, and so because we didn't hav ethe money to at least pay the interest, his credit is then affected.

This student heard all of this, and we had him repeat and recognize, and think of even more ways people were affected by his sin. When he had recognized this, and it started to click, his eyes were open and he started to cry. He saw the gravity of the situation. Your sin never just affects you. One of the best parts of that entire encounter was when we the church staff and his parents sat down with him, and it was asked of him what needs to happen. He was asked, "What do you need to do to fix this?" Automatically he said, "Grounded for 2 weeks." Grace was given to him and his parents and he was grounded only one week (When a child is grounded, so are the parents. Everyone becomes limited in what they can do). He needed to repay, cent for cent, the chocolate bars, and if he didn't do that, by a month later, then the lead pastor was goign to take his guitar for his own as payment for the chocolate bars - regardless of the fact that the guitar is worth more. The fact is, repayment needed to take place. Trust needed to be rebuilt. When you take something from someone, you need to expect it and more to be given back in order to at least start at ground zero.

This is an actual story that took place. However, if you want to, feel free to replace the word's "chocolate bars" with your choice of addiction; porn, alcohol, drugs, gluttony, even video games. And replace "money" with love. And in virtually every instance, it is the same things that are lost: trust and love. You loose trust, and others loose the security of love. That's the lesson I had to learn in my addiction. And I saw it full scope. My addiction has almost cost me: My relationship with my fiancee, my job, friendships, home, everything. My entire life has almost been lost - but at the right time it was brought to light. I no longer can hide. My eyes were open, and I have cried.

Your sin never just affects you. Ever.

Entry One - Cries from the Addict

2010-03-01T15:08:00.000-08:00

My walk and struggle through the recovery process.

I think of the name of this blog address in two ways.
The play on words goes like this:
The attic. One could associate this with the 'cries from the attic'. It's kind of like a wailing and an unrepresented sound that you hear, are intrigued by and search out, or you run away from for fear of what it may hold.

And then the cries from the addict, is the struggle through the hard times and pains of it all.
It's like re-hab, and a victim of the cruelty of it all, and they begin to lash out, freak out, and not know how to respond. The issues of withdrawl overwhelm them, and they don't know what to do, other than convulse and spasm their way through it, all the while yelling, desperately wanting thier fix, in order to feel some sort of relief - yet that relief is the most undesired thing.
You want to get through, you want to survive, but in order to do it, you must remain clean, and almost concealed in one room with limited human contact.

The attic serves as the addicts refuge, the place of torment, but ultimately freedom.

Going cold-turkey doesn't mean you are going to feel relief immediately, and often times the struggle is the hardest, but to wean yourself into freedom isn't like running headlong into an open field, or jumping into the lake head first. Granted, some people leap before looking, but that is the venture of faith, and I'm trusting that this venture is the right one, the one to recovering.